The War of the Chickens

Fighting Words Laois, Castletown National School, 6th Class, 22nd September 2026

72 hours earlier….

In a very awkward world, all the way down outside Betty’s shop in Castletown, Co. Laois, Mr. McChubbs looked around wondering what to do. He is struggling to get out of his Ford Mustang, because he is such a big, round man in a low down car. He is heading into Betty’s in secret for some bourbon biscuits as his wife Zoe has put him on a diet. If she sees him eating biscuits, she will get the pitchfork out to him. He’s going to buy her favourite biscuits as a treat for her, as biscuits always calm her down. He spots his enemy Farmer McNuggets in the shop and he is standing in front of the biscuit aisle. Jim Bob goes to grab the last packet of biscuits, but McNugget grabbed it before he could reach them.

‘Put those biscuits down, I have a wife who wants them’, Jim Bob says angrily. ‘I have a wife and you don’t’

‘I was actually buying them for your wife Zoe’ McNuggets replied slyly.

McChubbs had steam coming out of his ears, he was so mad. Back in the 1980’s when they were slim and athletic teenagers, they both wanted to go out with Zoe who was the most popular girl in Mountrath Community School.

‘You may have won Zoe but I’m going to win the chicken competition for the 11th year in a row and there’s nothing you can do to stop me’.

‘I can and I will stop you’ said McChubbs

‘Well lets a bet then’, said NcNuggets.

‘Ok, if I win I get your Massey 262. The one with the mini-fridge, wifi, and the drop down tv’ said McChubbs.

‘Fine, and if I win, you have to dress as a chicken in a chicken suit and parade around at the annual Castletown Chicken competition at the Electric Picnic’.

‘If you’re done there lads, please move along’ said Betty, “Charlie, Heidi, Beau, Muireann, Keeva, Johanna, Cody, Ally, Emily, Mia, Poppy, Zach, Cáit, Caitlín, Amoe, Ryan and Faye from Mr. McGrath’s 6th Class in Castletown Primary School are all waiting for their fizzy sweets”.

Jim Bob aka McChubbs, sets off to visit his best friend Will who lives in Highfields, Castletown, the fanciest house in all of Ireland. He is loaded. He won the lotto 10 times, he was a very lucky man. Although he is extremely wealthy, he drives an old fashioned mini with a rusty wing and bald tyres.

He meets Will at the end of a long entrance way and shouts ‘I’ve made a bet against McNuggets to see who has the best chicken in the country and if I lose, I have to dress up in a chicken suit, and parade around the competition and my wife will leave me and take the chickens. But McNugget has the best chicken in the country. What will I do?’

‘I have a plan, don’t worry Jim Bob. I’ll contact my pal Elon and he can create a Tesla robotic fox that can be programmed to chicken-nap McNuggets best chicken.’

72 hours later….Will and Jim Bob are lurking outside McNuggets chicken farm at midnight with their robotic fox and remote control. They will find it easy to recognise the prize chicken because she has a gold medal around her neck. The fox creeps up towards the high security chicken coop and keys the code into the security system. He enters the coop silently, snatches the prize chicken and vomits an identical decoy chicken out of his mouth into the nest. Just then…….. a round figure emerges from the shadows…