Wonkey and Me

St. Mary’s BNS, Rathfarnham, 6th Class, 24th October 2012
One day, Ballasmelly, the reserve forward/waterboy for Hobo United, was on his way to the football stadium for the first match of the season.

Hobo United were recently promoted from the Coventry League into the Smelliership.

Ballasmelly was travelling on Wonkey the Donkey.  He had bought Wonkey on HayBay.  The picture had been of a sleek Ferarri horse, but when Ballasmelly turned up to collect the “horse,” he found Wonkey instead. 

Wonkey was slow.  He had barely any horsepower.  He was grumpy.  He was lazy.

For these reasons, Ballasmelly wasn’t going to take him, but then he noticed he had a really cool haircut. It was a cross between an afro and a mohawk.

“Where did you get that hair cut?” Ballasmelly asked him.

“Franky’s Barbers,” replied Wonkey. “I have a spare voucher for a half price haircut if you want it.”

Not only did Wonkey give Ballasmelly the voucher, he also gave him a lift to the barber’s.  In the end, Ballasmelly decided to keep him.

Halfway to the stadium, Wonkey the Donkey’s ears started flapping madly and his tail started spinning around in circles.

Ballasmelly knew that this meant disaster!!!  He jumped from Wonkey’s back as quickly as he could.  It was Ballasmelly’s worst fear - Wonkey the Donkey’s toilet time!

Quickly, Ballasmelly rushed Wonkey to the nearest drive-loo.

There were three doors: one that said “Men,” one that said “Women” and one that said “Other.”  

There was a queue full of Ferarri horses and Bentley cows outside the door marked “Other.”  In fact, Wonkey was the only donkey there. All the other animals shunned him. They even started to skip the queue.

When Ballasmelly saw this, he started to think.

“Should I stand up for Wonkey?” he asked himself. “Or, should I take a Ferarri horse instead of Wonkey and then I’ll get to work twice as quickly?”