My Biggest Love

Our Lady of Mercy Convent School, Booterstown 6th class 13th April 2011

Dear Diary,
It’s the day before the pageant- the biggest day of my life! I’ll be getting my spray tan done in a while and my dress has just arrived, yay!!

Wait one second while I open the box- OMT! It’s amazing! It’s turtlicious!

My beautiful girlfriend Jammy-Bob-Joe picked this out for me.

She has the best sense of style. Who’d have thought that a really really long sparkly yellow dress with green snails on it and big puffy sleeves would be in fashion?!

Luckily, I have her to tell me. She’s such an amazing girlfriend.  Just now I see her coming with her freshly brushed moustache and her long beard blowing in the wind with a swarm of flies coming over to smell her natural perfume.

:-) my greatest love to you,

Dear Diary,

Jammy-Bob-Joe has just left and I have to pack my bag for the pageant tomorrow. She gave me some great tips! I’m definitely going to win this thanks to my snukems (Jammy-Bob-Joe).

She helped me put fresh blue paint into my foundation, it’s a winner! She shaved half my affro and helped me put mud in the other half. She stuck the hair on my chest to make me look more girly. She even helped me draw on a fake beard- she’s such a darling when it comes to fashion!

:-) all my love, xxoo


Dear Diary,

Jimmy-Bob-Joe has fallen for my genius plan!! The dress I got him is absolutely hideous! Note to self: remember to thank the dressmaker, the snails were a great touch! He doesn’t even know that I put glue on his hairbrush, ripped up his tights, put mud in his bag and, the best of all is, I ordered him the biggest high heels out there and I’ve loosened one of them! Since his biggest fear is falling over in high heels, there’s no chance that he’s going to win! I am sure to take the crown! Mwa ha ha ha!!
My evil plan is working…
Evil regards
Jammy-Bob-Joe xoxo