The Deranged Life of Cornelius Glockenspiel

St Brigids BNS, Killester 5th Class 8th February 2011
Once upon a time, there was a fellow called Cornelius Glockenspiel. He was poor as a kid, short, bold and fat.

One day he slipped at a bowling alley and found a winning lottery ticket.

He went to live in a big mansion with his wife.  He had no children but he was scared of his wife because his best friend, Apollo the Zebra, had kicked her in the face and she became really ugly!

Apollo the Zebra, had goofy teeth, rabies and red eyes. Nobody knew whether it was a boy or a girl.  Cornelius’ greatest wish was to have a daughter called Fatima. However, Apollo the Zebra always tried to bite Cornelius’ wife so she would get rabies.

Cornelius’ one-eyed, French wife Gemini was nice until she got kicked in the face but then she became grumpy.

She could never change her clothes because her head had become so big and she became really smelly.

Gemini never left the mansion because she was scared of people seeing the way she looked. She shouted all the time, had a really deep voice, a lisp and a problem with saying the letter R. Cornelius encouraged his wife to get out of the house, even though he was scared of her.

His wife’s best friend, the pillow with the smiley face, was her eighth best friend because all the others had disintegrated.

One day, Cornelius went to the Zoo with Apollo the Zebra to try and see some animals with rabies. Apollo got mad with the zoo keeper and bit him. The zoo keeper fell on his knees and started acting like a dog. 

He said, “what are you doing with this animal with rabies in my zoo?”

Cornelius replied, “Through the zoo is the quickest way to get to the vet…”