Spoinkly Murder Pickle Furnace

Fighting Words at Farmleigh Punchlion Comedy Festival! 15th September 2024

This is a story about a depressed, traumatised, spoinkly Murder Pickle Furnace.

John the Furnace is sad, he wants friends and to go places, but he is stuck. He is trapped in the Court of Versailles in France, in 1993. There are no humans, everyone is a pickle. Joseph the Kettle is his only friend. He lives on Shelf. John the Furnace is afraid of coal.

It is midnight, in the kitchen of the Court of Versailles in France. Queen Pictoria has come down to the kitchen to make a Devil’s Food cake as a midnight snack. “Can you make me Devil’s Food cake with pickles, John my boy? I require it on the spot!” Pictoria says loudly in a shrill, high-pitched voice.

“Sure,” says John, the fire moving up and down as he speaks. The flame acts as his lower lip.

“Toss chocolate and pickles into my mouth, do a cultic Celtic dance, and I’ll make the cake.”

He is wearing sunglasses to protect his eyes from the fire; he’s also just that cool.

Then, Queen Pictoria picks Joseph the Kettle up to make tea, but trips and accidentally launches Joseph into John’s mouth…