Dark Secret

A Screenplay by: Amy, Karen, Aisling Emma, Valentin, Jake, Nikita, Katie, Derek and Rhys.


John, 40, Intrigued, Determined, Single, Odd.

Lisa, 25, Sarcastic, Independent, She’s a Karen, College student.

Mrs Knockerbocker

80, Cranky, not very friendly, chatty, A moaner.

George Coolio III

331/3, Thinks he’s great, knows it all, vanity, shining shoes.

Shannon, 25, Irish, has her own acting agency.

Scene One

Kilbarrack Dart Station. John get’s on to the Dart.

John: Excuse me may I please sit there?

Lisa: You want to sit in my seat?

John: Yes, I want to sit there and have a rest.

Lisa: There’s no more room here, and there are a lot of other seats.

John: I like looking out the window and that’s my favourite seat.

Lisa: You want to look out the window? (sarcastically).

John: Well, yes I do . . . pleeeaase.

Lisa: There are lots of other seats, why does it have to be this one, this isn’t the only window seat, there are lots of other window seats?

John: (Speaking under his breath) Oh God, why did I even start to speak to her?

Lisa: What!!!???

John: I was only whispering.

Lisa: Am I not a delight to talk to? You’re not that important.

John: (In shock) Oh sorry, you weren’t supposed to hear that but can I please sit in that seat?

Lisa: Why did you say it then, knowing that I could hear what you said?

John: Look, I’m sorry but you are being way to mean to me.

Lisa: I don’t need this right now. I don’t give a crap!

John: One of my family members passed away and that was her favourite seat.

Lisa: Oh that’s so sad do you want a violin?

John: Listen here - I lost a family member and that was her favourite seat and I’m actually still mourning about it.

Lisa is visibly shocked.

Lisa: Sorry, I didn’t realise. Will you tell me more about her?

John: She loved to look at the Sea when she got to Sutton.

Lisa: I see, that’s why she likes to get the Howth Dart. So that she could see the sea (pause) would you like to take this seat and I will sit beside you?

John: That would be nice.

Lisa: Tell me more.

John: I’d love to. Cancer.

The Dart stops at Howth Junction. Two more people get on.

Lisa: I’m very sorry to hear that.

John: It’s fine. I want to know why do you act like a Karen?

Two passengers sit in the seats next to them.

Lisa: A family member is very sick and it’s how I cope with it.

John: That’s very stressful. I know how you feel and what you are going through.

Scene Two

Camera pans to the left. We see two passengers sitting in different seats across the isle from each other.

Mrs Knockerbocker (holding a script in her hand): I can’t believe they rejected me!! What did I do wrong?!

George Coolio III (Shouts across the Dart): You really auditioned for that?

Mrs Knockerbocker: Who are you talkin’ to?

George Coolio III: I didn’t mean it in a rude way.

Mrs Knockerbocker: Who are you in  anyway?

GC III gets up and walks over to sit with Mrs Knockerbocker.

George Coolio III: Name’s George Coolio III.

Mrs Knockerbocker: That name sounds familiar.

George Coolio III: It does?!

Mrs Knockerbocker: What do you do for a livin’?

Looks at his watch.

Excuse me . . . I’m talking to you.

George Coolio III: Yes, I know that but I’m checking what time it is in LA as one of my clients is doing an audition.

Mrs Knockerbocker is shocked.

Mrs Knockerbocker: Ohh emm who’s your client?

George Coolio III: Bruce Willis.

Mrs Knockerbocker: He doesn’t act anymore.

George Coolio III: He’s doing an audition for a miming job in a theatre.

Mrs Knockerbocker: Do you know that I’ve tried to become an actress?

George Coolio III: You did – despite your old age?

Mrs Knockerbocker: It’s not that hard.

George Coolio III: It’s a lot harder than you think. You cannot break character.

Mrs Knockerbocker: Do you think I was born yesterday?

George Coolio III: No . . . chill out.

Mrs Knockerbocker: Are you for real?

George Coolio III: Will you please just listen to me?

Mrs Knockerbocker: Okay. I’m sorry.

George Coolio III: There is an audition taking place.

Mrs Knockerbocker: Where is it taking place?

George Coolio III: Let me talk. The first audition will be in Dublin and if you are successful there will be a second one in L.A.

Mrs Knockerbocker: Really?

George Coolio III: They will need an old lady to be the mother of Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.

Mrs Knockerbocker: That’s me.

George Coolio III: Someone who is cranky and hits him with a cane.

Mrs Knockerbocker: Oh that’s such a compliment because I’m a good actor and I’m excited to get that chance.

The train stops at Bayside Dart station. Someone else gets on the train.

Shannon: OMG It’s George Coolio III.

George Coolio III: Oh no, not her.

Mrs Knockerbocker: Who is she?

George Coolio III: She’s a fan but we kind of had a thing.

Shannon: What do you mean, ‘we kind of had a thing?’ Is that your wife?

George Coolio III: Hang on a minute I’m only 33 and a 1/3.

Mrs Knockerbocker: You stay away from him or I’ll whack you with my cane.

George Coolio III: You don’t need to do that I can handle her.

Shannon: You wish . . . and by the way he’s bad news.

Mrs Knockerbocker: He’s wot??

Shannon: Ask him.

Scene Three

The DART pulls in at Sutton station. The camera goes back to Lisa and John.

Lisa (softly): Could you all please be quiet?

Mrs Knockerbocker: Would you mind your own business?

John: I’m trying to enjoy this moment.

GCIII tries to sneak into the next carriage while the commotion is going on.

Shannon: Where do you think you are going, up to your old tricks again?

GCIII: None of your business, I’m not going back to Jail.

Mrs Knockerbocker: What . . he was in jail?

Shannon: Yes, he was.

Lisa: Wait did he just say jail?

John: What the hell?

GCIII: No, I said I’m going to check my email.

Mrs Knocker bocker: I just can’t believe what I’m hearing. Don’t be trying to change the words; we all heard what you said. This was my dream come true and now you’ve destroyed it.

Shannon: Don’t worry I’ve got my own acting agency and I can help you.

GCIII: We opened that agency together.

Shannon: Yeah but we failed because of your attitude and now I’m very successful on my own.

Lisa looks at John.

Lisa: This is great entertainment.

John: Maybe for you?

Lisa: Just chill out, enjoy the entertainment, it’s like a free movie being on the DART.

John: It is kind funny.

Meanwhile Shannon and Mrs Knockerbocker are starting to surround GCIII.

Shannon: You have been using fake names for far too long, Arthur.

GCIII: I don’t know what you are talking about. This is a free country.

Mrs Knockerbocker holds up her cane.

Mrs Knockerbocker: I’m holding you here for the Gardai that are waiting at Howth DART station.

Shannon: You’re not getting away with murder this time.

John: Murder!!

Lisa: It’s okay, it’s okay the Guards are on the way.

GCIII opens his brief case and he starts fixing his coat and changing his watch and looking for ideas.

The train stops at Howth. The Garda get on to the train. The Garda interview him.

Guard: Are you Arthur McClane?

GCIII (with Scottish accent):  Who’s that I never heard of him.

Guard: Do you have your I.D.?

GCIII: There you go.

Guard: Ewan McHaggis.

Shannon: He’s only putting that Scottish accent on.

GCIII: I don’t even know this woman.

Mrs Knocker bocker: You Bastard!!

Guard: Hey you watch your language.

Mrs Knocker bocker: Why should I?

GCIII: Can I go?

Lisa: He’s a murderer.

Guard: Wot????

GCIII: You have to let me go.

Guards: Okay but we will call you in for questioning.

GCIII leaves.

Shannon: Why did you let him go. He killed the real Geroge Coolio III

Guard: What . . . are you are telling us that he killed GCIII . . .