The Adventures of John the British Oreo

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The Adventures of John the British Oreo

Dublin Book Festival, 12 November 2022

It was a warm sunny morning and John the British Oreo was beginning to wake up. He was having a nightmare but when he woke up, he realised it was just a nightmare, so he took a deep breath and carried on with his day. He had pancakes for breakfast, then he went to the press and he realised he was all out of Pyton Tea.

‘Oh no!’ he realised horrified ‘I forgot I wasn’t supposed to eat those pancakes -I was saving them for later for a tea party. He went to the shops to get more tea and more pancake ingredients. He daydreamed about being dipped in milk. He was getting the last ingredient when he bumped into Gerald Swiss.

‘Hello, how are you? Would you like some ingredients for pancakes? They are on the third aisle on the left. I have helped: Goodbye.’ said Gerald Swiss.

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The Adventures of John the British Oreo

John walked away from Gerald Swiss and he fell over a jar of jam.

When he got to the third aisle, he looked on the left. ‘That’s strange’ he thought to himself ‘all that’s here is dishwasher liquid.’

Suddenly he felt himself being pushed headfirst into the shelf. All he could remember was Jerry the Jammy Dodger coming to help him.

Then one of the workers, Choc the Chocolate Bar, screamed ‘Calamity!’ and then he fell into tiny pieces. Someone had thrown a rock with a smiley face at him: the rock had two eyes and a creepy mouth. Jerry called the ambulance. Then the rock with the smiley face started singing Christmas songs.

When the ambulance came all the people in it were Gerald Swiss lookalikes. Then Jerry the Jammy Dodger noticed that there were chocolate crumbs in the direction that the rock was thrown at Choc the Chocolate Bar …