The Gobshite Trawler Man
This new Irish play was written by participants from Prosper Fingal, Howth in May 2026.
Ray, Philip, Laura, Hannah, Claire, David, Adam and Conor.
Characters
Ella, 45 and she works in Fish & Chips R’ Us in Howth, has short hair, she loves to watch sports, she is friendly, she doesn’t take shit from anyone, she wants to find Mr right to get married.
Ambrose, 40, he is trawler man, wears yellow overalls, has long hair and a scraggly beard, he’s a nice guy and know a lot about fish, he’s married to the sea. He goes out fishing for a week at a time.
Waitress Lucy, Posh
Chloe, Ambrose’s ex partner.
Big Cody, Ella’s big brother.
Father O’ Dwyer, from Co. Clare and was a farmer when he was younger.
Scene One
Howth. Summertime, 1976.
Ambrose
Can I have some fish and chips please?
Ella
We don’t have any!
Ambrose
I might be disappointed.
Ella
Sorry about that we’ll get it in the next time for you.
Ambrose
Why do you not have fish, this is a fishing village?
Ella
We ran out of it.
Ambrose
I want to know why?
Ella
Well the tourists where buying to much fish and then feeding it to the seals and the seals keep coming back for more. They are kind of like dogs, if people keep feeding them they will keep coming back for more.
Ambrose
This news is making me very very hangry!
Ella
Sorry Sir there’s nothing we can do.
Ambrose
You should get more fish. I can sell you some fish because I’m a fisherman.
Ella
You would be really helping us out. Thanks.
Ambrose
I appreciate your appreciation. I’d like to extend my appreciation by taking you to dinner in Crabby Joe’s.
Ella
Do you mind if we go to the Bloody Stream instead, Crabby Joe’s is kind of the competition around here and my boss would have a few words to say about that?
Scene Two
The Bloody Stream Restaurant. Ambrose pulls out at a chair for Ella.
Ambrose
Tell me a bit about yourself, Ella?
Ella
I like sports. I like watching lacrosse and football, I like GAA and the soccer but I prefer soccer.
Ambrose
Do you like volleyball?
Ella
That’s good craic, I’ve actually played it before.
Ambrose
That’s actually quite impressive.
Ella
What’s it like being a trawler man?
Ambrose
It’s very difficult, a very hard job, we have to get up very early in the morning to get out on the boat, and sometimes we’re away at sea for a full week.
Ella
Have you caught any fish recently?
Ambrose
Are you coddin’ me?
Ella
No.
Ambrose
I’m only joking with you. Recently we went to the Irish Sea and we caught some catfish, mackerel, a few crabs and some squid.
Ella
Well the seal hasn’t been back to the harbour in a few days, so that’s a good sign.
Waitress – Lucy
Are you ready to order or would you like some drinks?
Ambrose
I’ll have a pint of harp.
Ella
I’ll have a glass white wine.
Waitress – Lucy
Right away.
Ambrose
Nice grub here. I’m going to have the pasta. I’m curious what will you be having?
Ella
I’m going to have the paella. I hope you enjoy your pasta.
Ambrose
Gracias señorita.
Just then Chloe walks into the Bloody Stream she sees Ella and Ambrose looking very cosy together.
Chloe (Yells)
GOOD LUCK with THAT!
Ambrose
We broke up months ago.
Ella
I think we’re starting off on the wrong foot.
Chloe
I’m jealous that you’re with my old fella.
Ella
I’m on hot date here, leave me alone, I don’t even know you.
Just then the food arrives.
Ambrose (Waitress - Lucy)
Thank you for that.
He looks over at Ella and Chloe and says
I’ll leave you to it.
And then starts singing.
Thank you for pasta and the songs I’m singing.
Ella
Are you not going to say something to her?
Ambrose
Sure, Chloe it’s time for you to go!
Chloe
F you and the horse you rode in on.
Chloe storms out of the Bloody Stream.
Ella (To Ambrose)
You’re a bit quirky but I could live with that.
Ambrose
Let’s go out together then.
Scene Three
Ambrose and Chloe are having a romantic walk on The West Pier.
Chloe
Will you please come back to me, I’m prettier than that thing you were out with the other night?
Ambrose
We can get back together but let’s keep it on the D.L. for now.
Chloe
Yeah okay.
Big Cody
I’m telling my sister that you are cheating on her.
Ambrose
We didn’t exactly say we were exclusive.
Big Cody
I’ll feed you to the seals if you don’t shut the f**k up. I’m not happy with you.
Ambrose
I don’t care because you wouldn’t dare!
Big Cody
Yes I will you big gobshite!
Big Cody walks over to Fish & Chips R Us to see his little sister Ella.
Your boyfriend is cheating on you behind your back.
Ella
I’m not happy about this, I’m going to confront him.
Ella storms out of the shop in a rage. She sees Ambrose holding hands with Chloe.
Ella
I thought it was over between you and that fresh cod.
Ambrose
No we were always together are you jealous?
Just then Big Cody walks over singing.
Big Cody
There’s going to be trouble ahead,
You’ll be swimming with the seals,
And have a black eye today,
There’s going to be trouble ahead,
Chloe
Are here leave it out! He’s me own fella.
Ella
He’s not your own fella, he’s an aul fella. He smells like smoked cod.
Just then Father O’ Dwyer walks in.
Father O’ Dwyer
Don’t you ever let me hear you using that foul language at Ambrose again. You won’t ever be let into my church again you toxic arsehole.
Ella
Father, it’s not what you think, Ambrose cheated on me.
Father O’ Dwyer
I’m appalled to hear this. I’m a priest and a farmer front county Clare and in all me days I’ve never seen the like and with of me own flock none the less.
Waitress Lucy
I know all about you Mr. Ambrose and you are trashy man.
Ambrose (Starts sing to Lucy)
Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
Father O’Dwyer
Ah here leave it out.
Everybody Sings
Thanks you for the music
and the fish and chips you are giving me.
