Joe’s Takeaway

By Ciaran Bolger (2017)

Setting: An old chipper called ‘Joe’s Takeaway’. The shop colour is mainly green. Inside it is your average chipper with a drinks fridge. It is set in the present day.

Character 1: Joe. Mid 40’s, Italian, owns Joe’s Takeaway, wears a green apron with Joe’s Takeaway written on it.

Character 2: Seamus. Mid 70’s, from Limerick, looks like a farmer, has a short temper.

Joe starts behind the counter waiting for customers. The sound of chips being fried is heard in the background. Seamus walks in stage right looking angry.

Seamus: I’ve had chips here for 10 years and this is the worst garbage I’ve ever had.

Seamus holds up bag of chips

Joe: Excuse me?

Seamus: You heard me, I’d rather eat a pile of shit.

Joe: I’m very sorry sir, but what is the problem.

Seamus: My grannies cabbage had more flavour then this shite.

Joe: Do you want a refund, I am very sorry sir.

Seamus: I just want a half fucking decent bag of chips.

Joe: Sir calm down.

Seamus: This chipper is crap.

Seamus takes three drinks from the fridge and throws them at Joe.

Joe: Stop that right now, you little scumbag.

Seamus: Say that again.

Joe: You little scumbag.

Seamus: That’s it.

 Seamus pours his chips on Joe.

Joe: Get out of my shop.

Seamus: Go feck off and get me some decent chips.

Joe: I hate shits like you, go somewhere else.

Seamus: Don’t mess with me Joe.

Joe pushes Seamus.

Joe: Go back to the nursing home.

Seamus: That’s it Joey.

Seamus picks up a metal bar and starts to smash up the chipper.

Joe: I’ve had enough, my friend.

Joe picks up his phone to call the Gardaí.

Seamus takes a gun and points it at Joe.

Seamus: Don’t you dare call the Guards.

End Scene