By Ciaran Bolger (2017)
Setting: An old chipper called ‘Joe’s Takeaway’. The shop colour is mainly green. Inside it is your average chipper with a drinks fridge. It is set in the present day.
Character 1: Joe. Mid 40’s, Italian, owns Joe’s Takeaway, wears a green apron with Joe’s Takeaway written on it.
Character 2: Seamus. Mid 70’s, from Limerick, looks like a farmer, has a short temper.
Joe starts behind the counter waiting for customers. The sound of chips being fried is heard in the background. Seamus walks in stage right looking angry.
Seamus: I’ve had chips here for 10 years and this is the worst garbage I’ve ever had.
Seamus holds up bag of chips
Joe: Excuse me?
Seamus: You heard me, I’d rather eat a pile of shit.
Joe: I’m very sorry sir, but what is the problem.
Seamus: My grannies cabbage had more flavour then this shite.
Joe: Do you want a refund, I am very sorry sir.
Seamus: I just want a half fucking decent bag of chips.
Joe: Sir calm down.
Seamus: This chipper is crap.
Seamus takes three drinks from the fridge and throws them at Joe.
Joe: Stop that right now, you little scumbag.
Seamus: Say that again.
Joe: You little scumbag.
Seamus: That’s it.
Seamus pours his chips on Joe.
Joe: Get out of my shop.
Seamus: Go feck off and get me some decent chips.
Joe: I hate shits like you, go somewhere else.
Seamus: Don’t mess with me Joe.
Joe pushes Seamus.
Joe: Go back to the nursing home.
Seamus: That’s it Joey.
Seamus picks up a metal bar and starts to smash up the chipper.
Joe: I’ve had enough, my friend.
Joe picks up his phone to call the Gardaí.
Seamus takes a gun and points it at Joe.
Seamus: Don’t you dare call the Guards.