The cheese enemies - July 2012
One day an old man called Francis and his neighbour Bob went to an Italian restaurant. They wanted to celebrate Bob’s two hundreth birthday!
Waiter/ Apple Tree- Petra
Pterodactyl - Sarah
WAITER: Mamma Mia, would you like cheese on your pasta!?
FRANCIS: What did you say?
WAITER: Would you like some CHEESE ON YOUR PASTA?
FRANCIS: No. Cheese? Yuck! Arrrrrrrghhhhh
(runs screaming out the door and throws the cheese on the floor)
(Francis is lying in bed tossing and turning)
FRANCIS (mutters): EVIL CHEESE……LEAVE ME ALONE……NEVER COME BACK AGAIN……
FRANCIS (darts awake): I’m going to Bob’s house. I can’t stay in this house for much longer.
(Francis knocks on Bob’s door, then barges in)
BOB: What’s wrong? You woke me up!!!
FRANCIS: I’ve got a problem. The cheese is haunting me and I can’t sleep. Can I stay here?
BOB: No you can’t!
FRANCIS: Thank you, you’re so kind. (Francis sits down)
BOB: I suppose you need a blanket then!
(Bob walks to the cupboard. Out pops the inventor)
BOB: OOOH MYYYY!!!!
INVENTOR: Don’t be afraid old man. My name is Mr. Cecil Zonk. And I have the solution to your problems gentlemen…..!
FRANCIS: What is it? I’ll do anything!
INVENTOR: I’ve invented this cheese destroyer which will be perfect for your fear of cheese.
FRANCIS: How does it work?
INVENTOR: It can blast cheese and destroy it in mid-air.
BOB: WHAT?! WHAT’S THIS WEIRDO DOING HERE IN MY HOUSE??
FRANCIS: (to inventor) Never mind him….(Points at Bob)
How can I get my hands on this cheese destroyer?
INVENTOR: I will give this to you on one condition. You get me the rarest, most wonderful Hawaiian stone. Otherwise pay me €140,000.83.
BOB: WHAT!?! LEAVE MY HOUSE NOW!
FRANCIS: Fine. We’ll do it!”
FRANCIS: We’re heading to the jungle in Hawaii.
BOB: THE WHAT?!
FRANCIS: “JUNGLE IN HAWAII”…. (REPEAT TWO TIMES.)
Bob and Francis are in the Jungle looking at the plant book. Bob has lost his glasses.
FRANCIS: Are you sure this is the right plant? We need medicine to stay well, we don’t want to make things worse.
BOB: This tastes spiky….These rare plants can make us rich!
They come to a giant carton of apple juice.
BOB: This is a VERY strange plant!
He puts soil on the carton. Suddenly it turns into an apple tree.
APPLE TREE: Hahaha. You old men are looking for the stone aren’t you? I’m the guard of this Jungle and you’ll NEVER get past ME!
The Apple Tree then waves its branches and throws apples to block Francis and Bob. The old men hit it with their sticks.
A Pterodactyl appears.
FRANCIS: Oh no! A Pterodactyl!
BOB: Shoot it with your ice cream gun!
PTERODACTYL: Don’t worry, I’m here to help you.
The Pterodactyl flies in circles around the tree. The Apple Tree tries to hit him but eventually gets dizzy and falls over, revealing a glass box.
FRANCIS: THERE IT IS!
FRANCIS: It’s the STONE!
BOB: Open it!
FRANCIS: AAAAGH! (The box gives him an electric shock)
(Francis finds a riddle on the ground next to the box)
FRANCIS: It’s a riddle. It says…..Four legs go on two legs…..go on three legs….What is it?!
BOB: That’s easy. It’s a person, silly! (Bob then explains the riddle to Francis and the audience)
(The box opens and the stone falls out)
FRANCIS: Pterodactyl, we’d like a lift home please.
INVENTOR: I see you’ve made it back alive…..
FRANCIS: Here you go. Now I think you may have something to hand over!
INVENTOR: All right, all right! Here’s the cheese destroyer! (He hands them a big tube)
The two old men then barge in to the Italian restaurant with the cheese destroyer.
WAITER: I love you cheese. (Rubs cheese fondly)
FRANCIS: It’s time to destroy the cheese.
WAITER: Mamma Mia! NOT THE CHEESE!!!
SPLAT!!! All the cheese falls to the ground.
FRANCIS: From now on, me and the cheese destroyer shall NEVER be parted.
WAITER: on hands on knees crying: My poor CHEESE!